One of my first jobs in Orange County was working at a restaurant in the Ritz Carlton as a hostess in the late 90’s. We wore these hideous sage green polyester tea-length dresses with a ditzy taupe floral print with puff 3/4” sleeves. We had to wear nude pantyhose and black ballet flats. Why?!? I think I am still traumatized by the whole thing. Sorry, back to my point. As hostesses, we would help the servers set the tables. For each meal of the day, there was an entirely different formal set up. I can remember polishing; taking each fork, knife, spoon, and lifting them up to the light to make sure there was no trace of a smudge or scratch. It was a very detailed, time consuming process. We set a legit, formal table.
Funny thing though, I have been in the event planning and styling business for over 20 years and I admit, I still do not know how to set a formal table by memory. For some reason, it does not matter how many times I study it, I have to pull out my phone, “Siri, how do you set a formal table?” It really is so sad.
A formal table is certainly not part of our normal life. In fact, right now my silverware is in a caddy on the kitchen counter because my silverware drawer will not stay on it’s track. I am too tired of trying to fix it. We dine off of plain white dishes, dollar store glassware and we use paper napkins or paper towels on a typical evening. Honestly, we don’t even sit down at the table all together. I usually eat behind the kitchen counter talking to the kid(s) on the other side; one person at the banquette; one upstairs finishing up an essay or watching tv in the den. There is literally NOTHING formal about a typical night in the Fisher house.
So formal we are not, but I sincerely DO have an appreciation for a formal table. Of course it looks beautiful, but there is something too about how many components there are. I mean, 3 forks, multiple glasses, and don’t get me started on a bread AND a salad plate!? The purpose of eating at a formal table is that it has all of the essentials for celebrating properly. You sit down, you place your napkin on your lap, you pray, and then, slowly, you enjoy each course, all the while, conversing, laughing, clinking; truly engaging with these people you call friends or family.
The purpose of setting a formal table is to remind us to slow down…savor the meal and the time we have together.
Traditions have certainly changed in regards to setting the table and I don’t foresee the formality ever coming back, at least on a daily basis. However, I do hope once in awhile we pull out the family china or at least sit down, take your time, engage, and sincerely savor not only the food, but the memories and milestones we are living through.
This is Noni’s formal china, my husband’s grandmother, who sadly is no longer with us. (Spode- Mayflower Pattern) The glasses belonged to his other grandmother, Kay, also sadly missed. Both the china and the glassware typically sit in padded cases in the back of our coat closet, as I don’t have a china cabinet any more. However, this Easter, Noni’s china will be piled with a beautiful spring breakfast and Grandma Kay’s glasses will be filled to the brim. My mother-in-law, Joanne, is bringing over blintzes, and I am in charge of breakfast sausage, fruit and coffee. No need for a soup bowl, a salad plate or 3 forks. I can assure you though, that dinnerware and the time it took me to set the table will be a constant reminder to slow down, enjoy the meal and moments I get this Easter.
Vintage Mayflower Spode China
Time is fleeting. No matter what the celebration is in your near future, I would encourage you to elevate your tablescape. Pull out the fine china or just use what you have. It is not truly about the formality, it’s really about the intention of making it special. See if your fancy table helps remind you and your guests to slow down; be grateful for those we have, those we have lost, moments we share and celebrations we cherish.
Happy Easter Everyone!
“Siri, how do you set a formal table with a tea cup and only one fork?”